tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21321286928143035152024-03-14T08:27:41.269+00:00Loopy LucieLoopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-42574711400266970622013-04-08T16:43:00.001+01:002013-04-08T16:43:44.694+01:00I start proper therapy WednesdayI start proper therapy on Wednesday...yet I have put on so much weight from binging the last few weeks I just want to diet if I am honest. Its a tough one...in fact its confusing me. I keep binging so badly I am scared to admit I have put on approximately 7lbs - woah! I can really notice it too. I am not being sick to the ratio of what I am eating and even so, as I have learnt in pre-therapy being sick doesn't get rid of even half the calories.<br />
So what am I going to do about it? I am going to go along to therapy but this sounds terrible but when they weigh you each week I want them to be shocked I am loosing weight. But then again I am only cheating myself. Ugh....I am so confused.<br />
<br />
<br />Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-30876691533983737552013-03-06T18:44:00.002+00:002013-03-06T18:44:38.006+00:00Thank You xFirstly I would like to say thank you to everyone that read and commented on my last post. I was in a very lost place and I really appreciated it.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately things have gone down till from that day and I am feeling very depressed and lonely which I haven't felt in a very long time. I am also using my ED to help me and keep regretting trying to get treatment which I shouldn't be. I think I am scared... if you take my ED away from me and how do I cope with my emotions!? Its pretty scary...<br />
<br />
I need to keep myself safe...so I am going to call the ED team tomorrow and see what they suggest. Hmm I hate feeling like this.<br />
<br />
xx<br />
<br />Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-39330342823342625412013-03-04T20:21:00.000+00:002013-03-04T20:28:35.442+00:00I am alive...I am backFirstly I would like to apologize for not blogging in like forever. I have avoided it because I am in treatment for my Eating Disorder and I found this blogging site pretty triggering however I think in reality I have avoided it like I have the Eating Disorder and I am kind of going round in a lack of reality cycle.<br />
<br />
I am blogging today to get some raw emotions off my chest. I am very confused and have laid here crying for hours trying to figure stuff out and I wondered if I wrote it down even if it made no sense and got some feedback from you girls, it might help....<br />
<br />
It is about <b>self punishment</b>...<br />
<br />
I have tried really hard the last month to try and <b>like</b> myself. I have brought new clothes, had a new hair cut, started wearing heels, been putting make up on and today I decided to get gel nail extensions on.<br />
<br />
The nails were the last straw....<br />
<br />
I got home, looked at my new beautiful nails and thought what am I doing...? I am so STUPID came into my head. I do not DESERVE all these lovely things. I am worth NOTHING. Everything is so nice that they should NOT belong to me.<br />
<br />
I take off my make up, I tie my hair back so I can not see it. I want to pick off my nails, give all my new clothes to a charity shop and then I want to punish myself. I want to take a blade to my arm or my leg, cut deep and watch the blood drip on to the bathroom floor. I want to make myself sick - I do not deserve to eat. In fact I want to die. For the first time in a while I have a urge that I need to cry. I try yet the tears won't come out. I try again and its so raw inside the tears do not fall.<br />
<br />
Now I wonder if this emotion of self-hate and need of punishment or not deserving anything is to do with my <b>eating disorder</b>, <b>my borderline personality disorder</b> or just a <b>symptom of both </b>of a underlying issue.<br />
<br />
Maybe it started from something deep rooted from my childhood of never having anything due to my mum being mentally unwell and poor. Never having nice clothes just things from jumble sales -. Dreading non-school uniform days. Never being allowed baths because there wasn't enough hot water. Never having a 'real' Barbie or many toys. Never EVER having sweets or chocolate. Never having enough food and having to go without and go to sleep hungry. Even Christmas's with missing parts to presents because they were second hand - my mum used to say Father Christmas used to drop parts off his sleigh.<br />
<br />
Ok I know I am rattling on here.....I just am lost to why I feel like this and now guessing.<br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b><u>Does anyone else feel like this and have you discovered why you feel like this too?</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b><u>Any comments appreciated x</u></b><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-28397017642956179032013-02-03T07:45:00.001+00:002013-02-03T07:49:29.679+00:00Recovery BookI brought a day a page diary yesterday and it was a bit boring on the front so customized it a bit :) I am going to face my fears and write down what I am eating and doing and thinking at the time. Hoping I might see a pattern to my disordered thinking :) <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi9_SrwFCu1p0fihoWJ3H7KvmfclkQ2Y6qubrC5ZHBch3IV-oDGsi5GflfdVRdyhsAJcLcERbdUrA5zhozqlbxklmeNPDCEhg1RDcoxVsWJo9OpDfYNHL31Z8JAtBEWFXlQv6R1VvI788/s640/blogger-image-1538963208.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi9_SrwFCu1p0fihoWJ3H7KvmfclkQ2Y6qubrC5ZHBch3IV-oDGsi5GflfdVRdyhsAJcLcERbdUrA5zhozqlbxklmeNPDCEhg1RDcoxVsWJo9OpDfYNHL31Z8JAtBEWFXlQv6R1VvI788/s320/blogger-image-1538963208.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-37599946232960982282013-02-01T19:26:00.002+00:002013-02-01T19:26:59.441+00:00Positive Mind - Negative BodyLast night I didn't sleep because I had a lot on my mind with treatment and possibilities for my future. <div>
My mental health really deteriorates when I don't sleep and today I have felt pretty rubbish. I have purged but haven't had what medically they would call a binge but have eaten a maybe a bit too much. On the other hand my mind has been in the right place - recovery. So despite my bad behaviour I am still on track and in the right mindset :-)</div>
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-18487927684102985182013-02-01T00:59:00.001+00:002013-02-01T19:27:26.882+00:00Yippee!Wow what a day! <br />
I went to the eating disorder group and it's made me so positive and encouraged about making a step to recovery. <br />
I learnt loads I didn't know about eating disorders and really made me think about my future. I do want to recover and I learnt that 'relapses' and 'lapses' are normal and all part of the progress. Made me feel not such a failure. I start individual therapy/group therapies after this course finishes. I DO want to DO this!! <br />
<br />Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-75037259099008710152013-01-29T19:24:00.001+00:002013-01-29T19:24:08.140+00:00Recovery isn't easyRecovery isn't going as well as I had planned, and I have looked at the same number on the scales for weeks now. I need to up my game a bit, I need to stop binging, stop purging and start loosing some pounds. I am getting pretty cross with myself at the moment. Its so frustrating, I look at the toilet and think 'I should not be doing this' but I still make myself sick! I then go downstairs and binge again! The cycle repeats and I just get more and more exhausted and fed up with myself.<br />
<br />
I have literally decided I am not coming out of this bedroom the rest of tonight, I am going to stay here to avoid the bathroom and the kitchen. If I get a urge I am going to sleep. Looking forward to my boyfriend coming home, at least I won't binge as much.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-86377908275084892222013-01-28T15:36:00.000+00:002013-01-28T15:36:40.045+00:00Recovery! Meal Plans! Course!First steps for recovery today. I have written out a meal plan and I must try to stick to it to avoid binges and effectively stops me being sick so much. It's bloody hard though....<br />
<div>
I go to a Eating Disorder self harm minimisation course on Thursday. I am unsure what to expect? Anyone else ever been on one of these? Its a pre-course before proper therapy happens.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-25567734486897633242013-01-27T19:58:00.001+00:002013-01-27T19:58:28.534+00:00Wall ArtI have decided to start making my home more individual and homely so did this today for my bedroom with vintage buttons :) what do you girls think? X <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieDwqxWurHaLFL7gKRigi_J2nQZDWXoc3t-ofwlSLt1thQgcmPBWTu2uzUIs2-c-SpU0oh5dqBmpzwpXXM2btn-Uy-k5NtyEl4ai-pwEhYmil3y9eUHCo5BR57-qr5npdagDwrfo9lsWU/s640/blogger-image-708267765.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieDwqxWurHaLFL7gKRigi_J2nQZDWXoc3t-ofwlSLt1thQgcmPBWTu2uzUIs2-c-SpU0oh5dqBmpzwpXXM2btn-Uy-k5NtyEl4ai-pwEhYmil3y9eUHCo5BR57-qr5npdagDwrfo9lsWU/s640/blogger-image-708267765.jpg" /></a></div>Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-83519025182136720122013-01-21T19:26:00.001+00:002013-01-21T19:26:35.004+00:00Binging and PurgingI feel frustrated, agitated and anxious today<div>
Its like I am in a trance, I get a takeaway, pizza, chips, full fat coke and a cheesecake. <div>
I eat the lot</div>
<div>
I eat so fast, I don't taste the food</div>
</div>
<div>
I then purge until I am exhausted</div>
<div>
I purge until my body can take no more and I feel faint and dizzy</div>
<div>
I failed today....</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-66802845068634154322013-01-21T16:34:00.001+00:002013-01-21T16:34:39.366+00:00Annoying BookI've got frustrated with my recovery book. It keeps looking at me and my head is chanting that I need to get rid of it. I so want to give up already. I have eaten so much today and it written down in pen makes it so real. Makes me realise I am so fat :(<br />
<br />
Good news is I have a interview for a new voluntary placement in a old people's care home organising activities. Yay! Quite looking forward to that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-13165500963258787052013-01-21T13:13:00.001+00:002013-01-21T13:13:16.346+00:00Stressed and Anxious About RecoverySo I started reading my new book last night 'Overcoming Bulimia Nervosa and Binge-Eating'. It seems so simple, you just do each step and concentrate on fulfilling one step at a time even if a step takes a month or so. Putting it in practice is a nightmare however.....I am nervous, anxious and frustrated.<br />
<br />
First step is to only weigh myself once a week - ARGH! and make up a recovery book. Inside the first step you make a table and fill it out with everything you eat/drink, the time and place, how you feel, your thoughts and if you thought it was excessive or purged etc.<br />
<br />
The initial step I suppose isn't too hard because it doesn't matter if you binge/vomit etc as long as you record it. Recording it is when it gets hard....I want it to be perfect and having three pieces of bread with my carrot and coriander soup I felt was excessive following by a Weight Watchers chocolate mini roll. I hated having to write a 'V' every time I vomit too. Its like writing failure over and over again. Rah Rah Rah Rant Over...! - Sorry girls :/<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0gjdCUzp6YsCvcGx-3zV78byptwhgkJLxzbryFrFf7u-xsuNaWFQZGkeQ3n2KeqiisvniFZJU9c77wnhHlr6L8BG1p8EXUAzFP9as5y9iV_dl_3Kqih_B-0CVLqMc549MsWtlLm2RuVs/s640/blogger-image-693616610.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0gjdCUzp6YsCvcGx-3zV78byptwhgkJLxzbryFrFf7u-xsuNaWFQZGkeQ3n2KeqiisvniFZJU9c77wnhHlr6L8BG1p8EXUAzFP9as5y9iV_dl_3Kqih_B-0CVLqMc549MsWtlLm2RuVs/s640/blogger-image-693616610.jpg" /></a></div>
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-23469125020057117562013-01-20T18:27:00.001+00:002013-01-20T18:27:07.816+00:00Decisions!I have decided that my mental health condition rules and controls me.<br />
Why should I quit my degree because of it?<br />
So I have reconsidered....<br />
<br />
I really hope I will make the right decision because the thought of starting it again, worries me sick yet I am so angry with not being able to full fill my dreams because of anxiety and depression.<br />
<br />
I brought a self help book yesterday, I read the first chapter and it described someone's typical day as a Bulimic and it hit me for the first time. I have Bulimia.....I do exactly what the book says..... :(<br />
<br />
<img src="http://i43.tower.com/images/mm113380914/overcoming-bulimia-nervosa-binge-eating-cooper-peter-j-paperback-cover-art.jpg" /><br />
<br />Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-54808861780021501492013-01-18T20:29:00.001+00:002013-01-18T20:29:54.122+00:00Haven't been blogging much......I don't know why I haven't been blogging much but I feel really bad for not seeing how everyone is getting on and commenting - so sorry! Now going to see how you all are :-)<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Things haven't been too bad the last few days, I haven't binged as such nor been sick. My boyfriend has been away all week and I have surprised myself and coped okay. I have had my moments but on the whole I am pleased I have been more stable then usual.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-48158316195547843582013-01-16T17:38:00.000+00:002013-01-16T17:38:07.358+00:00Its so coldIt was minus 13 last night where I live and we have loads of snow. I feel sorry for my bunny so I put her in her old indoor cage in the shed as her hutch doesn't fit in the shed. I hope she will be okay, at least in the shed she wont get the cold winds. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This is her normal hutch and fudgey </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/532360_10152292763270113_1474278563_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/532360_10152292763270113_1474278563_n.jpg" width="240" /></a><div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<img height="240" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/526288_10152292763600113_667015364_n.jpg" width="320" /></div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This is new temporary home till the cold weather passes</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<img height="320" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/580670_10152447497215113_1370012402_n.jpg" width="240" /> <img height="320" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/72241_10152447498685113_480750309_n.jpg" width="240" /></div>
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-92194533868142820952013-01-15T19:23:00.003+00:002013-01-15T19:23:37.448+00:00New Hair Cut - What does everyone think?<img height="400" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/3798_10152442826260113_2078563004_n.jpg" width="400" />Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-51034443383708394822013-01-15T18:41:00.001+00:002013-01-15T18:41:31.339+00:00A New Label - BulimicI am used to labels with my extensive mental health history so today's eating disorder assessment label wasn't a shock. I have been diagnosed officially with Bulimia and am going to do treatment from next month.<br />
I don't know quite how I feel....?Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-45024941286270898642013-01-14T18:27:00.000+00:002013-01-14T18:27:21.570+00:00Hello EveryoneHello and I am sorry I haven't blogged in so long.<br />
My boyfriend has gone away for a week to work and I am left to my own devices. Its the first day and I am not coping overally well. I keep purging...<br />
I have my eating disorder assessment tomorrow and I am really nervous.<br />
How is everyone? Lots of Love xxLoopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-53748463927082131552013-01-07T15:52:00.002+00:002013-01-07T16:45:34.562+00:00Bunny Munched My Phone ChargerBunny munched my phone charger so I went to the supermarket to buy a new one.<br />
Whilst I was in there I decided to buy my lunch. Usually not a problem...but everything I picked up that looked nice had too many calories in it and I started to panic.<br />
I felt my chest get tight and the bright supermarket lights started to dazzle me.<br />
I must of been in there a hour just walking around, picking things up, putting things back and so on...<br />
I ended up buying, 3 apples, bananas, 3 pears, corn on the cob and a courgette.<br />
<br />
I aren't following the HSGD any more (sorry to the people doing it with me) but at the moment, trying to aim to a certain amount of calories I am finding hard being over or under and punishing myself.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_zTk7xWV82_Jtjl60AqevBzS1s-UxdTbNT-E7zz0v5ZCCWj1y02V6ekUHE6wlv48Fqkju57J8PrLSy8flE6m1XcgWJaCC-XJLLiQUJSDJYh2I8FPqPi4PGv2mwYab4p6Pqt0TTL3UYXQ/s640/blogger-image-1837607489.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_zTk7xWV82_Jtjl60AqevBzS1s-UxdTbNT-E7zz0v5ZCCWj1y02V6ekUHE6wlv48Fqkju57J8PrLSy8flE6m1XcgWJaCC-XJLLiQUJSDJYh2I8FPqPi4PGv2mwYab4p6Pqt0TTL3UYXQ/s640/blogger-image-1837607489.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMuNlQh5NSWXQ8aHXn6MLKo4qWAXwPwnWXsuHDx48Wv5b4MnBNRtX4-jJdrvyO0sKZyH5TKv90vS4ehUi2Y8eICx-bsoazEGTADJCkPNT5Vqzhyphenhyphen1YFPZNCSxAzT2eKmd-DIyX79U1J1D4/s640/blogger-image--429268492.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMuNlQh5NSWXQ8aHXn6MLKo4qWAXwPwnWXsuHDx48Wv5b4MnBNRtX4-jJdrvyO0sKZyH5TKv90vS4ehUi2Y8eICx-bsoazEGTADJCkPNT5Vqzhyphenhyphen1YFPZNCSxAzT2eKmd-DIyX79U1J1D4/s640/blogger-image--429268492.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOFHO_krV-NokmCASZ9uEkSmZrBb5TI3wUDWF5kK6laiC4o5dOfVuSC1dbANHhY0JP1v-HzPbcrHyznh86vk6n9hxlC5fQ_7_OQcSHWi1c4Cbp3d958sswoYjYg3ulmdCYd5vnMMhyvz8/s640/blogger-image--1497545887.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOFHO_krV-NokmCASZ9uEkSmZrBb5TI3wUDWF5kK6laiC4o5dOfVuSC1dbANHhY0JP1v-HzPbcrHyznh86vk6n9hxlC5fQ_7_OQcSHWi1c4Cbp3d958sswoYjYg3ulmdCYd5vnMMhyvz8/s640/blogger-image--1497545887.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiifPpnOtR8At_kl1LttjfdCcntVm4-0WtLXrmRQzHyVo7_bivr5x0DxjPZJAEJWf60rzzG1XajXjUoYwzQP6RkB6SWSIdP-9Aa7llKPeEL-hVyWWpwWbhBpcM4W1EaRSsLHV0Ur7GdCRE/s640/blogger-image--1669453216.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiifPpnOtR8At_kl1LttjfdCcntVm4-0WtLXrmRQzHyVo7_bivr5x0DxjPZJAEJWf60rzzG1XajXjUoYwzQP6RkB6SWSIdP-9Aa7llKPeEL-hVyWWpwWbhBpcM4W1EaRSsLHV0Ur7GdCRE/s640/blogger-image--1669453216.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4AL3sCZicsadP9IVJMBrYSulnrXPwSfeFXlVUhaCp1y8a9Oq2wcMUUn0ZIVPWVrhRAj6kwLeq-bO8VE4bw5gAO0U67_m2n61WZMlOIgRDVf2H7Jzk-0QvAEKrMm0fn-q6Yjqb4xXL6LA/s640/blogger-image-2030788255.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4AL3sCZicsadP9IVJMBrYSulnrXPwSfeFXlVUhaCp1y8a9Oq2wcMUUn0ZIVPWVrhRAj6kwLeq-bO8VE4bw5gAO0U67_m2n61WZMlOIgRDVf2H7Jzk-0QvAEKrMm0fn-q6Yjqb4xXL6LA/s640/blogger-image-2030788255.jpg" /></a></div>
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-80877507186391141872013-01-06T18:13:00.000+00:002013-01-06T18:14:00.694+00:00Quitting...Today has been a difficult one.<br />
I have made a decision to quit my degree because the stress is too much with my mental health,<br />
I have fallen out with a close friend who wasn't practically nice to me about it,<br />
I have had a panic attack,<br />
And generally felt pretty rubbish about myself as I feel like a failure.<br />
<br />
I think the plan is.....<br />
<br />
I quit my degree<br />
I do more voluntary work but locally (possibility of a activities support worker in a old peoples home)<br />
Do short art courses in future not degrees!!<br />
<br />
P.S. Sorry for all the negativity recently! I just need to let it out by writting but I am sorry you all read it xx<br />
<br />Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-17001146871748712152013-01-06T10:57:00.000+00:002013-01-06T10:57:13.363+00:00New StartI will be honest, I aren't doing very well on this HSGD. I am so consumed about calories, I keep over eating and going over slightly, then feeling guilty and rubbish.<br />
<br />
I am sorry for my post last night, I am really stressed out if I am honest at the moment. I have this piece of coursework due in tomorrow and I don't even understand it for a start.<br />
<br />
Need to think positively though and see today as a new start. Make a to-do list and keep taking photographs of what I am eating as this does motivate me :)<br />
<br />
Thank you girlies for everything, your all so amazing and I so appreciate your comments. Lots of Lucie Love xx<br />
<br />Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-61684630378740367382013-01-05T21:53:00.001+00:002013-01-05T21:53:52.377+00:00Rah Rah Rah Rah RahI deleted the last post of day 6 of my HSGD as I have done so badly today and it was making me angry. I want to be sick yet I can't because I am on watch from my boyfriend.<br />
<br />
Just generally had a shit day today, can't figure out this coursework due in on Monday and have taken loads of sedatives because I am so stressed.<br />
<br />
So yeah, I am fed up and moody so sorry for the depressing blog post :/<br />
<br />
Hopefully tomorrow will be a positive happy one :)Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-44600415005499774872013-01-04T11:10:00.001+00:002013-01-04T19:52:16.954+00:00HSGD Day FiveYes! I have lost a pound :) well maybe even two but it depends if I take my pyjama bottoms off or not. Today I am going to upload a photo of everything I eat to motivate me not to binge...so here goes... <br />
<br />
Breakfast - Mini wheatabix in semi-skimmed milk (200 cals) and a banana (free)<br />
Lunch - Plain wrap (187 cals), salad (free) and small amount of cheese (50 cals) and a chocolate mousse (118 cals)<br />
Snacks - Pear (free) and strawberry flakes with a yogurt coating (121 cals)<br />
<span style="text-align: center;">Dinner - 1 egg (92) on 2 slices of toast (186 cals) with a Weight Watchers mini roll (87 cals) - sorry no photo, I forgot!</span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;">Total - 1041 Oh bum! I have gone over but I haven't binged or purged so I think its still be a successful day :)</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQnFhpmpSV35JEBb7KgP0cKGvWEmg1LXW_aqvCWi9csofRzFnmIzboyCex60PWkNJUeuEx01DLDzhyqUes8YeFoRTXKfAnWADQfPUapc1_3Kei46XtcVE1cfasHQ3CugYYgmLBlLNHGjg/s640/blogger-image--1329777979.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQnFhpmpSV35JEBb7KgP0cKGvWEmg1LXW_aqvCWi9csofRzFnmIzboyCex60PWkNJUeuEx01DLDzhyqUes8YeFoRTXKfAnWADQfPUapc1_3Kei46XtcVE1cfasHQ3CugYYgmLBlLNHGjg/s640/blogger-image--1329777979.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRJI3VDVR0rlusEGyXjvwAjRsoNHtAb8lH-0gYJXmnOcFzbhtcrbUyeEAl7TxBXrod2ZUYZOb-WridC4dgj1CfVHSpRr37-L3o_RlXDs6g_N4N4h61SdP52xbcAPOTKlUz5JEL8szE4HQ/s640/blogger-image-1929843400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRJI3VDVR0rlusEGyXjvwAjRsoNHtAb8lH-0gYJXmnOcFzbhtcrbUyeEAl7TxBXrod2ZUYZOb-WridC4dgj1CfVHSpRr37-L3o_RlXDs6g_N4N4h61SdP52xbcAPOTKlUz5JEL8szE4HQ/s640/blogger-image-1929843400.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLpgyLNc5ot9ELY7BKVptJKNPRhMDdwg_c1K2066pzj5n1nXsZO8UxwVdXLGbeE0WsjfjVfijYrk2HvNVNNYDQbA2v2rXbAPQ2gmosdiEZy4gH9pqE5z9g6Cr6ejjroirpQvYAIGGCqCA/s640/blogger-image-1448651292.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLpgyLNc5ot9ELY7BKVptJKNPRhMDdwg_c1K2066pzj5n1nXsZO8UxwVdXLGbeE0WsjfjVfijYrk2HvNVNNYDQbA2v2rXbAPQ2gmosdiEZy4gH9pqE5z9g6Cr6ejjroirpQvYAIGGCqCA/s640/blogger-image-1448651292.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIJ6mui8MMTkBpWcfkQy3qtXcnSYFJvHFYeH4qf195ZWYYbzulzKEWMRfuWLQ-2ak7eI-8H-Dg8TkVJXS4ySGZPPAqDeA-U1JhekzWfXsTNNtFSQq1K8k9F9RmcGe6KcNld73DnXB7UdI/s640/blogger-image-1306871989.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIJ6mui8MMTkBpWcfkQy3qtXcnSYFJvHFYeH4qf195ZWYYbzulzKEWMRfuWLQ-2ak7eI-8H-Dg8TkVJXS4ySGZPPAqDeA-U1JhekzWfXsTNNtFSQq1K8k9F9RmcGe6KcNld73DnXB7UdI/s640/blogger-image-1306871989.jpg" /></a></div>
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-66651688990521546022013-01-03T12:09:00.001+00:002013-01-03T12:09:58.591+00:00All I Can Think About.....All I can think about is food, food, more food, calories, my eating disorder, purging, binging and so on....<div>
Its completely absorbed me and I am finding it distressing and hard to deal with.</div>
<div>
I feel so alone too. No one understands me :( </div>
Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2132128692814303515.post-35783026462084129162013-01-02T22:30:00.000+00:002013-01-02T22:30:12.794+00:00Mixed Emotions!?I went to group therapy tonight run by a eating disorder charity. I got there and waited nervously and no one else with eating disorders turned up :/<br />
<br />
The lady that organised it also organises a group for carers too at the same time and invited me to join it. It was really interesting to see what we put our loved ones through. One set of parents were so stupid, thinking their daughter would just get over it. They were deeply worried and concerned but they just couldn't understand and were making things worse for their daughter. I decided to talk up and shared my story and gave everyone tips on how to talk to their loved ones and handle some of the situations they brought up.<br />
<br />
At the end everyone thanked me including the lady that organises the groups. They said I was a asset to the group and they all had learnt something.<br />
<br />
I was left feeling uplifted, and like I had made a difference but it had not really helped me as such. I had admitted I had a eating disorder and doing so it came at a price. The high lasted around a hour and then I felt strange and vulnerable - so I binged....I messed up the HSGD and ended up being sick.<br />
<br />
I don't know what I think or feel now. I am so confused.....?Loopy Luciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13020574411781282865noreply@blogger.com10