Saturday, December 22, 2012

I have a confession to make to everyone....

I have a confession to make....

I am a obese bulimia suffer and I haven't admitted it apart from to Nina of the Night because I have been worried that I will be judged and not be able to be part of this lovely community. I put on all my weight due to a abusive relationship, a nervous breakdown and a lot of medication for my BPD. I went up to 196lbs (eeeeek can not believe I have actually admitted this now) but I am now 176lbs so I am getting back down to the weight I was. I hope nobody judges me, eating disorders can effect anyone and any shape of size yet I can't quite accept this hence my delay getting therapy and being worried about going to the self help group and eating disorder assessment next month. Do you think they will still help me?

I have binged and been sick so many times today I have lost count and my throat hurts like hell.
I am kind of fed up with it today :( I just want to stop, its so frustrating. I find I am worse when I am left by myself too.


  1. I've seen you around other blogs on here, and I can already see that you're a wonderful person with a shining personality so don't worry, everyone thinks so too.

    I'm not exactly skinny either.

    I do think therapy can be of much help, but only if you let it. You have to accept that they're there to help, not judge.

  2. You're beautiful no matter what, Lucie. Don't beat yourself up about it, I'll stand by your side no matter what...I promise lovely:)

  3. Get out while you can. I was a 215 lbs when my E.D was re-triggered at the age of 19 (at 14/15 I had an E.D as well, but was "normal"). I am now at a BMI at 20.5 where I puke almost every other day, take a ridiculous amount of laxatives, and when not doing the aformentioned, eat/drink less than 1,000 calories a day. GET HELP NOW. Seriously. There are government programs. This life isn't worth it. Try eating healthy/excercise. It's waaaay better than this hell could ever be.

  4. Though I don't talk about it on my blog, I have an eating disorder where I can't eat, and when I do, I become ill. So my situation is the reverse of yours. I think you should get help so you can feel better. Being ill is not fun. In the meantime, try to eat as healthy as possible, focusing on foods that are low in fat. Exercise also does wonders for the body. The endorphins will lift your spirits and help you to feel better.

  5. I used to be an overweight bulimic too. You can have an ED whatever weight you are.

    I really hope treatment can help you, because I know how miserable it can be.

    And I think you are a lovely person - I really appreciate your comments on my blog.

    Take care x

  6. We all understand what you've been through no matter what size nor how you look. What's going on inside of your head is just the same as any other with an eating disorder. So anyone who says otherwise is just plain judgmental.

    You deserve any and every help you can get, beautiful : )

  7. You are an amazing woman to come through all that and still be with us, and I know you'll get through it. I too have battled with my weight and have now finally gained enough weight to be a healthy 8 stone 4 lbs. EDs can affect anyone, and you deserve help. Go get 'em!

  8. I love you. Thanks for trusting me, you are lovely and I would love you to be happy little starshine xxxxxx

  9. It doesn't matter your size. It's about your disordered eating that they will help you with. There were girls of all sizes while I was in treatment. But no matter your size, you are beautiful. Lots of love.

  10. You are amazingly strong for telling all of us. You should try and give yourself a tiny bit of credit for that. ♥

  11. ♥ I think you've taken your first steps to helping yourself by telling people and making it 'real'. You're very strong and I admire you so much for this. Good luck with treatment :) xxx

  12. Eating disorders are mental illnesses, and you dont have to be superskinny to have an ED? There are many different eating disorders and they are all mental.
    That is why many people wouldnt even guess that some people have ED's becaus ehtey dont look like the typical 'bulimic' or 'anorexic'
    I am glad that you are admitting it... you cant keep the truth out. Or you know, keep pushing it to the side. Telling yourself that you arent sick, because that isnt helping anyone.
    And you are taking the first step of recovery by actually saying that 'yes, i do have a problem'.
    Have hope that things will get better. Recovery, from any ED is hard. But you have to focus on your though process and your self esteem!!!
    Stay strong!!! Things will get better, even though they might get worse before they get better?!