Hello Everyone

Hello and I am sorry I haven't blogged in so long.
My boyfriend has gone away for a week to work and I am left to my own devices. Its the first day and I am not coping overally well. I keep purging...
I have my eating disorder assessment tomorrow and I am really nervous.
How is everyone? Lots of Love xx

Not ill enough?

I received my eating disorder clinic questionable in the post today prior to assessment. I feel lost, I can not concentrate to even fill it in. I feel I am not worthy to go and get help, I feel I am being silly and wasting their time and I feel I am not ill enough to fill in these questions....

Tomorrow I have a group meeting too for people with eating disorders. Again I don't feel ill enough to go. Will I be judged because of my weight? Am I just going to please my boyfriend and mummy?

My head is all jumbled :(

Appointments Appointments Appointments

...Firstly I have a mental health appointment this morning. I have decided a few weeks ago to wean myself off one of my medications (the anti-depressant) and I will be honest I feel dreadful. Flu-y, dizzy and really emotional! I had enough of taking so many medications and knew I couldn't come off the anti-psychotic so thought the anti-depressant one had to give. Anyway its going to be fun explaining this to the doctor and link worker this morning - hmmmm

Secondary I did phone the eating disorder clinic. I have a appointment in the new year....a two hour assessment!! I have bulimia but I am overweight and I am worried I wont qualify for any help because I aren't thin enough. My boyfriend thinks its a silly thought as people come in all shapes and sizes and eating disorders can effect anyone but.....I just still have this thought in my head.

So the Eating Disorder Clinic sent me a letter

The NHS Eating Disorder clinic sent me a letter but I haven't changed my address with my doctors surgery so it went to my parents address and my mum opened it!! She is so nosey its untrue!

Luckily she said I was being sensible about it all and didn't seem concerned at all. I think with my history of self harm, depression, suicidal attempts etc its the least of her worries.

Anyway I have to ring them and make a assessment appointment.....hmmm the question is, I have a love and hate relationship with my eating disorder, do I actually want to get help?