LOVE and HATE

My mental health issues are my best friend and my worst enemy. I have a love hate relationship with it.

I hate the days when you can't open your eyes in the morning, when it hurts inside and when it feels like someone has died. You feel lost, scared and worst of all...alone. When the razor blade becomes your best friend and you block anyone else coming into your world.

I love the days when I am really happy, the happiness you can't get when your 'normal'. I always bake a cake, tidy the house and stay up all night....although since I have been put on mood stabilisers they seem to block these days. These days my medication keeps me at a steady place but its not a great one. I aren't happy, I aren't REALLY sad but I am sad. Most days.

Although a therapist once asked me if I had one wish would I use it to become 'normal'. Yet as bad as the bad days are...I would have to say no. The voices are my friends, I can't imagine a head which was blank. The depression is my secret and the anxiety makes me feel alive. I think having Borderline Personality Disorder makes me different.