Monday, December 31, 2012


I have fallen out with my boyfriend. So I am downstairs on the sofa and he is in the bed. I am devastated because we usually get on so well :( He wouldn't show any affection earlier and said he only wanted sex....!!? I was so hurt, I really needed a cuddle because I wanted to be sick and couldn't deal with my emotions. Instead I laid there with my childhood comfort blanket and cried quietly so he couldn't hear. I then texted him to come and see me to 'talk' because I was sad. He just ignored obviously doesn't want to make up.

Tomorrow (or today I should say as its 1.30am) I am going to sort myself out. I need to restrict, I am going to the HSGD. I hate myself so much. Right now I am feeling so empty. I didn't realize how my boyfriend makes me feel safe and complete. I just want to cut my arms but I know I will regret this in the morning....


  1. Oh gosh I do that too, keeping too much of myself in another person. And it's so difficult to explain why it hurts so bad if they don't understand the BPD. *HUGS* I'd say drink some calming tea and build a cozy nest to recuperate in.

    Good luck on your diet tomorrow. I'm starting mine tomorrow too. If you want a diet buddy we could make arts & crafts rewards to celebrate when we stick to it. What do you think? I know it's silly nvm.
    xo Lilu

  2. Sometimes men get overwhelmed by an emotional girl, even if they love you. Sometimes men just want a girl who is strong and happy and there for sex, which is their true need at times! The best thing you can do in this situation is try to quit crying, don't show you needs to him. Even if you don't want to have sex, that's fine, but just walk away without tears. I know it's hard but my husband gets like thins at times and crying will make him so much more distant that simply leaving will. Act happy, decline sex, and he will be back for cuddling in NO TIME!!!! :) Feel better. Men are such a pain sometimes. We want them to be there for us but some days that is what our girlfriends are better for.

  3. It's so hard when you have a fall out with your loved one. It's always stressful and in reality makes you hate yourself even more. But for him to say to you that all he wants is sex is too rough for you and so mean to say. Stay strong dear.