Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Mixed Emotions!?

I went to group therapy tonight run by a eating disorder charity. I got there and waited nervously and no one else with eating disorders turned up :/

The lady that organised it also organises a group for carers too at the same time and invited me to join it. It was really interesting to see what we put our loved ones through. One set of parents were so stupid, thinking their daughter would just get over it. They were deeply worried and concerned but they just couldn't understand and were making things worse for their daughter. I decided to talk up and shared my story and gave everyone tips on how to talk to their loved ones and handle some of the situations they brought up.

At the end everyone thanked me including the lady that organises the groups. They said I was a asset to the group and they all had learnt something.

I was left feeling uplifted, and like I had made a difference but it had not really helped me as such. I had admitted I had a eating disorder and doing so it came at a price. The high lasted around a hour and then I felt strange and vulnerable - so I binged....I messed up the HSGD and ended up being sick.

I don't know what I think or feel now. I am so confused.....?


  1. How are you actually feeling about your body? Because if you really wanna lose some weight I don't think it's a good idea to try to recover at the same time . It's tricky. But bingeing as you obviously know, won't help and I hope you stay strong and either put the weight loss or the recovery on the shelf until you're really ready for whatever you're not ready for now.
    And it sounds like you really helped those people ! They have no idea how out mindset is and it's amazing you told them.
    Xx Jo !

  2. You did a good job today, one binge is a minor set back but it's over and behind you. Don't look back and regret. Just keep going! Be proud that you were able to improve the quality of other girls lives by educating their parents a bit. :)

  3. That's wonderful news about you being an asset to her group. I'm sorry that it made you vulnerable and put you out there, but what you did was so brave of you. I'm really proud of you. It sucks that you binged, but it will be ok tomorrow. Much love to you dear.

  4. That was so great of you to open up like that! I am sorry it ended up in you binging. But what a great experience for you and them... maybe you have a future as a counselor of families in this situation?♥

  5. It always makes me feel good when I can help others, but like you said, the "high" only lasts so long. I'm sorry no one else showed-up for the eating disorder group you wanted to attend. For me, I think I would have felt some disappointment with that. I'm also sorry you got sick. Sometimes, when I am anxious and worried about things, I tend to regress a bit too. ****Hugs****

  6. Great job love! My mom asked me how to talk to their friend's daughter and I told her that there really isn't anything you truly can do. In mu clinical paych class I learned that eating disorders are one of the most difficult to help. Giving any advice is good. You did an awesome thing today. I know that vulnerable feeling. A friend of mine asked me and I told them I was relapsing and they asked me questions that made me feel stupid. I know they didn't mean it that way but it's such a crazy and anxious feeling when people know. Lots of love girl. You did good.

  7. Good on you for speaking up in your group.
    Sometimes when we help others it inadvertently helps our self.
    Being vulnerable is so uncomfortable and I use behaviors to cope with it as well. Remember darling that vulnerability is a good thing, it allows for healing.
    My love to you xx

  8. Wow that sounds great! I can understand why it was triggering though. Using your skills to help others is a great way to feel good. It can be overwhelming, but maybe next time if you go again you can try to hold onto that feeling of high worth.

  9. Wow, yeah, that sounds really nice and really difficult at the same time. I totally understand, especially the part about feeling vulnerable. But (and I don't know how much this is worth as we don't really know each other) I'm proud of you for even just going, it must have taken so much courage. Now forget about the negative parts of yesterday, keep the positive and just keep going because that's all you really can do. Don't worry about the HSGD, we'll just keep going together. And keep writing, sweetie, we're here to support you! :) xx

  10. I'm so pleased to hear that you went, even if it didn't go according to plan. Do you think you'll go back next week and see if there's more people with EDs?
    And I know it's hard, but try not to beat yourself up for messing up the HSGD. Keep going with it tomorrow, and write today off as a bad day.