Truely Rubbish Day

I had a truly rubbish day. I went into the city with my boyfriend to spend my Christmas money. My mental health hadn't been overally good but it was manageable until I started trying on some jeans and the voices started.

'Your so fat, no one loves you, your useless and pathetic you fat cunt, go on slit your wrists, kill yourself'

I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to not cry as they started to gang up on me. I am trying to keep myself busy but all I want to do is self harm, be sick and bang my head against the wall. I don't want them to control me anymore though. I want to be strong.

Blood

Today I have been feeling a lot better. I have felt more with it and not psychotic. I haven't wanted to hurt myself so many times either.
I had a problem this evening, I went to be sick and my body just rejected it. Nothing would come out and my throat hurt so much. Blood splashed in the toilet and I felt scared. My lips cracked and sore too.

Tears, Therapy and Tablets

I am struggling to write tonight so please excuse any mistakes and muddles.

My brain feels like its dying and unable to function.

I feel so alone in this world. I have so many people around me that love me but no one understands. 

I had therapy today and for the first time tears ran down my face.

My head is telling me to do so many dangerous things but I have been keeping safe with my mummy and my boyfriend.

I just want a cuddle, I want to be a little girl again; hold me in their arms and tell me everything will be okay and protect me from the world.

Poorly Sick

I am so hungry yet the voices in my head won't let me eat
I didn't want to purge but the voices in my head told me to
I feel very poorly today, I feel psychotic, derealization and kinda spaced out.
I went to mummy's and did my beads again. I made a pansy flower which was nice :) Therapy tomorrow, I hope that helps and I hope tomorrow is a better day