Poorly Sick

I am so hungry yet the voices in my head won't let me eat
I didn't want to purge but the voices in my head told me to
I feel very poorly today, I feel psychotic, derealization and kinda spaced out.
I went to mummy's and did my beads again. I made a pansy flower which was nice :) Therapy tomorrow, I hope that helps and I hope tomorrow is a better day

Awful Evening

I had such a good day yesterday, it was such a lovely day. Then within the space of about a hour in the evening things started to change. I felt so sad, I wanted to take a overdose and I haven't felt like that in a long long time. I was hearing things, very psychotic and depressed. I had no feelings, I was just totally numb. I took some pericyazine and now I have woken up and I feel really strange and I cannot see properly. I think I have a medication hangover.

Mummy is worried about me so I am going over there today to keep safe and I have packed up my new book and some beads. I made a little mouse last night as my first attempt. Its cute :)

Bulimia Poem - THE TRUTH

Its a cycle you can't escape
It all happened age 13 - after the rape

Chanting fills my head and guilt and disgrace
Its degrading when the sick splashes back in your face

Pushing vomit down the shower plug with your toes
Running the taps so nobody knows

Hiding vomit in lunch boxes under your bed
Hoping the pounds will quickly shred

Dirty public toilets degrade you
Your teeth are chipped and see-through

Wetting yourself when your throwing up
The corners of your lips are sore and cut

All that money on food wasted
The food that was never really tasted

You hate this eating disorder, yet you love it so much
Its the only way to cope, its your only clutch

I miss him!

I have been sick so much today. My throat hurts, my eyes are watery and my head hurts. I feel depressed today too and feel numb inside.

My boyfriend has gone to work away this week and I didn't realise how much he makes me happy and keeps me stable.

I hate my borderline personality disorder. It controls me when I am alone.

Numbness

Feeling a bit numb today. My boyfriend asked how I was feeling but I didn't want to burden him with all my problems. Just feel a bit depressed and lack of emotion and empathy. Might see how I am tomorrow and up my antidepressant if needed.

Lost two pounds at Weight Watchers last night, rather happy about that. I really want to loose another 2 pounds for next week, then I get my shinny 7 sticker for a half a stone so far.